So Osama Bin Laden has been taken out by Navy Seals. This has its pros and cons, and the Political Me could go on and on and on about both sides. However Political Me comprises an infinitesimally small percentage of my being. The majority of The Aidan Baker Psyche is made up of the Selfish, Machiavellian Me, and hot damn that part of Me couldn't be happier. Not because America's Enemy Number One was finally put down. No. To Selfish Me that doesn't matter at all. What does matter is that he was eliminated so close to Mothers' Day.
Mothers' Day, like every holiday, involves a certain degree of make believe. Children pretend their mothers are June Cleaver, flawless, selfless caregivers always there for them with a warm cookie, a soothing hug, and an encouraging, loving word. Meanwhile mothers pretend their children were worth twenty hours of agonizing, life threatening labor and the forgoing of their bodies, careers, hopes and dreams. The better the mother/child relationship, the easier this day of pretending is for everybody. For those of us where it 'aint so good, that pretending is excruciating. And as every son or daughter in this situation knows, the ownness of blame for the strained relationship rests solely on our shoulders. We're the ones who are never on time, or don't know how to dress right, or didn't do the right thing at the right time, or didn't finish law school, or blew the inheritance, or got our seventh DUI. Mothers are the poor long suffering victims of circumstance who would drop dead but for their disappointment.
But this year my friends, that changes. We have a brief reprieve. This year mothers will have spent the entire previous week hearing the name and seeing the face of Evil Incarnate everywhere they turn. Each time a vapid news-bot puppet head says the words Osama Bin Laden, it is a chink in the armor of our mothers' shame. Sure we might have spilled paint on the eight thousand dollar Persian rug when we were six, or knocked up a waitress in our twenties who left the baby on their doorstep which they then had to raise, but we never orchestrated a multi national terrorist plot did we? Our double digit credit card debt is nothing compared to the murder of thousands of innocent people. This year when we show up for brunch, hung over and an hour late, we will once again be innocent babies in their loving eyes. Thank you Navy Seals. And God Bless The United States of America.
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